Describing Depression

… I lie on my cot staring at the ceiling. I float in and out of a dreamless sleep. My body is healing and my bruises are fading slowly, but the pain is etched in my bones. I wonder some days if I’m even breathing anymore. I feel like a ghost trapped in the shell of a girl. I feel nothing; I want nothing; I am nothing.

Micah stops by every once in a while; He brings food or water or something nothing. Some days he stands in the corner of the room while I pretend to sleep. He sighs and sighs before leaving me.

His presence brings me neither comfort nor sorrow; I am incapable of any emotions at all. The darkness creeps closer and closer, wrapping its arms around my chest and squeezing. Each passing moment brings more nothingness. I begin to find peace in the darkness. The darkness does not ask me to change, or to perk up, or to smile. The darkness accepts me as I am; I am a nothing; I am no one. Brief windows of sorrow or pain break up the nothingness, but it always returns. I wish it would end.

My eyes are dry as I stare aimlessly at the ceiling. My fingers and toes tingle with numbness. I feel cold and hot at the same time…




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